Freedom

This time last year we were in the process of closing and moving into my dream house… not extravagant or grand but classic and “us.”  I thought it would be a wonderful place for our family for many years.  A home we could grow and love in and live out life together.

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I was wrong.  We lived there less than a year. We sold it, moved, and divorced.

It has been a literal, holy (or unholy) mess. And yet the children and I have survived, even thrived. My pinterest Fourth of July dream was shattered (I just wanted to furl that flag out the top windows, Lord, just once) but my kids are healthy and happy, scarred but thriving because of amazing people in our lives and God’s provision.  We are all scarred, but standing. And I wanted to update y’all as I think about God’s faithfulness and yes freedom.  This road to freedom I hope my family is on . . . sounds weird maybe but hang with me.

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It’s a bit of cheesy cliche, so obviously easy for a Christian to make all of the literal correlations between freedom in Christ and the freedom that came with the Declaration of Independence.  Believe me I am a sap and history major and I love them all.  But NEVER  have they been more real to me than this year.  Don’t get me wrong, I still love all of the New England and East Coast flags and instagraming of flags flying on Nantucket I am showing here today.  These images are my fave.  Nothing like a flag inside and out. I mean I love me a flag and a white house and some babies in blue and white stripes.  YES! The shallow part of me mourns the little party and flag out front I dreamed of for the new old house.

But never ever before have I been more aware of the need for true freedom . . . And yes I am tempted to tag a little Martina McBride video on the end here.  Seriously, I am not even close to letting go and being totally free of all of my emotional and spiritual junk, much less any marriage issues.  But i know that i know that i know, that working through “junk” in our inner selves and our closest relationships all under the umbrella of Christ’s love and God’s wisdom is the only way to true freedom.  It’s not popular or cool to say but I know it. It’s what I believe.  And tough season has mae me believe that more than ever. The opposite of freedom is what?  fear and bondage.  And Christ came to set the captives free, His perfect love casts out ALL fear.   He gives us (me and you) a spirit of power and LOVE not fear.

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I’ve have been pretty damn scared this year at various times.  And as I sat in our therapist’s office and ugly cried on Thursday and heard him say “God wants you to face your worst fear” I knew He was right.  We have to face our fears.  For freedom.  There is just nothing better than being free is there??? Watch your kids when they dance and play freely? And we could go on and on about theology and what the means and looks like but the first step is bravery to step out and face fear.

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So this fourth of July I love my country and the brave men and their families that stood up against crazy all those years ago and still today.  Because King George was cray y’all and America isn’t perfect but we have a beautiful and TRUE story of bravery and righteousness and God’s hand.  We are a city on a hill, or we were.  I can’t fix my country but I can work on facing my own fears and doing the things God created me to do, in my family and in my work and my sphere of influence.

And yes, you read that right. We are divorced.  The kids and I moved to a neighboring town and are doing well.  God provided us an amazing home to lease and my mom is living with us until her little house is ready for her move in.  The kids are spending a lot of time with their dad and are having a fun and full summer. And their dad and I have started counseling.  Finally.  Yes we realize it’s usually best to start the counseling BEFORE the divorce.  We didn’t do it that way.  We did do some counseling but not really get in there and get committed and serious about it until now.  The timeline is was it is.  What matters is we are finally getting help both individually and together. So please pray. Pray for fruit in counseling, pray for the holy spirit to move and change hearts and minds where needed.  Pray for truth. Pray for my boys and our parents and friends that have been caught in this unholy mess.  And for yourself if possible I am praying. Please get thyself to counseling.  I beg you. And if you don’t like the counselor or its just so so, keep trying, keep praying God will connect you with the person that can get up in your business and tell you and get your number and help set your feet back on the right path.  I know counselors don’t replace scripture or godly guidance but good solid counseling can be a huge part of freedom. And restoration.

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{Top three images from House Beautiful and this one of vintage flags from countryliving.com}

So I just wanted to say that.  Happy Fourth of July.  Let freedom ring!

We had a fun day in nearby Chappell Hill!

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My boys never sit this close so I am loving these silly pictures from today.  It’s the little things y’all, just getting muffins made and a few baby flags up and being with friends. And then taking a nap while it storms…yes!

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So thank you y’all truly.  For hiring me, reading me and supporting what I do. For praying for my family.

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Comments

  1. Thanks for sharing! And for what it’s worth, I went to years of counseling before our divorce…everyone involved has to be willing to see their part and work on it for counseling to restore a marriage. So don’t beat yourself up for not getting there sooner. It may my have changed anything. I am so glad to hear that you are surviving this. Ugly cry sessions are part of it! I love that God has used all the pain of my divorce to refine me into a person who is more like Him. To stop demanding my way and rest in the knowledge that He is good. To love my (now former) husband with more compassion and fewer conditions. God has so faithfully provided all my needs (not my wants, but my needs) abundantly, and I believe He will for you and your boys also.

  2. You are the best! xo

  3. Happy 4th to you too! Prayers said for you and your entire family. This post was perfect for a day in which we celebrated independence. I feel certain that even though those patriots were happy to begin their independence from Great Britain, they realized how dependent they were upon each other and on God here in the colonies. Just as we are dependent upon others (our families and friends) and God most of all. I know HE is doing great work through you girl! 🙂

  4. In a perfect world, you would be my neighbor and I would be the “big sister type neighbor” helping you get through this…well, in my perfect world. Ha. I am proud of you for getting help, being honest, continuing to be a good parent to your sons, decorating your current place to make it your “home”, putting one foot in front of the other and going forward. You are God’s sweet child and even during the dark days and painful times, He’s got you covered.
    You are loved. Julia

  5. Loved this, Holly! I Think about you and your family often and happy to hear you had a great 4th. Hang in there and thanks for sharing your story.

  6. Kelley Brown says

    I am heartbroken for you and your family and yet have been right where you are. I know the fear and uncertainty can be paralyzing but you are right. Once you face those fears under the umbrella of Christ amazing things will happen in your life. Through a whole lot of prayer (and not on my part) hearts were softened and my marriage was restored. God can restore anything. I am praying for total restoration and healing of your family. Thank you for sharing your heart and allowing us to pray for you and your family!

  7. Kelley Brown says

    Let me clarify my statement above. My heart was hard and closed for business so I was not praying for restoration but a huge praying community of family and friends were praying. I can only attribute that prayer and Gods grace did a work in both of us.

  8. Holly….you are the sweetest girl ever……and I pray that your journey back to happiness is swift. My fear is that it will take some time, but along the way…. I know that as trite and cliche as this sounds….you will learn so much about yourself and life. Non of us know what is next for you but I hope it is nothing short of wonderful! Peace my friend.

  9. Holly,
    Thanks for keeping it real. It’s hard going through the tough stuff and feeling like you are the only one. I have had issues in my marriage but we faced things and dealt with them and got through it. Counseling is a good thing and it’s tough thing too. Junk that has to come to the surface so you can move forward. I love how God can take our mess and turn it into a “message”.

  10. Holly your are very courageous and of course so much stronger than you even believe right now! A better life is ahead for you and your children!

    xoxo
    Karena
    The Arts by Karena
    Gallery Opening!

  11. Holly, thank you for sharing your life with us. I have thought of you often and hoped and prayed for peace and healing for you and your family. God will guide you down the right path, just trust him. Xoxo

  12. Holly,
    I love your attitude and I believe your positive post will help others. I so admire your courage and strength through what must be a horrific experience. You are showing your sons grace and patience and I pray you will be through the worst of this during the latter part of this year.
    xo,
    Karen

  13. Elizabeth says

    Glad you all have sought out counseling! It’s a wonderful, wonderful thing that too many don’t give credit for. Continuing to pray for you and your family. God bless!

  14. I know this wasn’t the story you had planned out for your family, Holly, but it’s still beautiful. Sending love and prayers.

  15. Love you Holly. Sounds like you have had quite a year but you and the boys are surviving. Sending you prayers for healing, understanding, growth, and peace of mind. Wishing all the best for everyone <3

  16. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sending you prayers and hugs!
    Shelley

  17. Holly,

    I’ve followed your blog and IG for a couple years now…love your style. I also really love that you don’t shy away from speaking about your faith. So sorry to read about your divorce. My husband was married once before, and I know it’s a tough season to be in. The wonderful thing is that it is just that; a season. God has plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans for a hope and a future. For your boys, too. Sending prayers and love from Tulsa!

    -Sara

  18. Thinking of you and your family, Holly. As a Christians – we know that all things are possible with God!

  19. Sending love and prayers for you all, Holly…..” See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

  20. Thank you for sharing! There are not enough people willing to be this open. What a testimony you are to people. I cannot imagine going through a divorce but more importantly how do people go through trials and tribulations without the love of the ONE TRUE GOD?! Praying for you and your family

  21. Humbled that you shared this with us. You are so real, Holly, and I love that you are willing to share the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty of life. Hugs and prayers to you and your boys!!

  22. Good for you Holly….so proud of you! Prayers for you and your family.

  23. Freedom, strength and hope. Go Holly!

  24. Holly, as much as I love all your beautiful decorating posts, yes, I too am dying to see your new digs….thank you for sharing your heart here too. I have been sending prayers your way for you and yours and will continue to do so. Stay brave. Prayers

  25. Holly–your transparency is a beautiful thing that many Christians are lacking. I appreciate you and am praying for your family.

  26. Holly you write beautifully. Your words are open and honest and wise beyond your years. I am praying for your family.

  27. beverly m says

    If it weren’t for a great Christian counselor, we wouldn’t have been able to put our marriage back on track to still be married to this day. He was able to get right in our faces to tell us what we were unable to see for ourselves. As you know, counseling isn’t cheap, but it’s the best investment we’ve ever made.
    I’m truly sorry that circumstances caused your marriage to fail and my prayers will be that each of you can find peace in this and be able to forge ahead to a better life.

  28. Jennifer says

    Beautifully said. You and yours will remain in my prayers. God bless.

  29. So very sorry for what you are going through. Praying for you all!

  30. Amen to all you said! We must never lose sight of the fact that our country was founded on religious freedom and that our founding fathers believed there could be no freedom without relying on God’s power. There are those would try to make people feel stupid for believing such in today’s world but it’s true.

    Stand strong! You can do it!

  31. Holly, My heart has been hurting for you but I read HOPE in this post. Thank you, thank you for your transparency…you are touching lives and making positive use of your pain. God is faithful and He is always GOOD. He is LOVE. I pray that you continue to live in hope!

  32. You are a remarkable young lady and your boys are blessed to have you as their mom. Your search for Christ blessed freedom will be successful. He has much more planned for you. You will be in my prayers and can’t wait to see where He takes you next. Just love ya!

  33. Oh Holly, such a rough road you have been travelling on. My heart aches for you as I know a bit of your pain. I divorced after 10 years, married to a minister, he moved out and I was left with a 5 year old and a 5 week old. It’s was some rough stuff but, we survived and, thank you Jesus, He met me where I was in my sad, broken place. I know divorce was not His plan but His grace and mercy overwhelmed me and together we walked forward. It’s been 21 years since that marriage ended and my current life is the complete opposite of what it was before. It so wonderful that you are walking forward and choosing to face the giants, just keep yourself before the Lord, cover those boys and your home in prayer and God will truly take care of the rest.

  34. Liz Pabst says

    yours has been one of my favorite blogs for many years. due to my life being turned upside-down in the last couple years, it is rare that i look at your, or any blog for that matter. imagine my surprise when i took a rare, free moment to log on tonight and found that your life has been turned upside-down too. i am also going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage. i have three children. i live in houston. don’t we have lots in common? anyway, thank you for your courage in sharing. thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. thank you for being generous with what you have learned about freedom and digging deep and facing your fears and ultimately yourself. i couldn’t agree more. may God bless you in this amazing journey you continue to embark on and know that there are more of us out there, walking a similar path and grateful that because of Christ, and brave souls like yourself who share, we are not alone. hugs.

  35. So after our many emails today, here I am wishing I could just see you sitting in the chair across from me. We could even ugly cry together. You are a Bravehearted Beauty for sure, Holly. You are facing the hardest things with a brave heart…and a brave heart doesn’t mean you don’t have a broken heart. The beauty WILL rise out of these broken places. And as a beauty lover, you will find it and embrace it as it comes. My counselor introduced me to the concept of a holy fallout last week. Those words just rang so true in my spirit. Maybe for you, too? LOVE YOU.

  36. Oh how this makes my heart sing of God’s goodness!
    Not sure if you know, but I’m working on my masters in professional counseling. It was ALWAYS been my heart to help people who are hurting and who long for freedom. I am so proud of the hard work you are doing in counseling…it shows in your transparent writing.

    Praying HOPE and PEACE and JOY and WHOLENESS for all of you!
    xoxo

  37. Holly, thank you for your transparency and your heart. I am praying all the things your mentioned. God can heal the wounded and raise the dead. Keep your hope and trust in Him (which I know you’re doing =))
    Love you,
    Amber in Nebraska

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